He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
