My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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