He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
