I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
