if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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