if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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