STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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