that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
