I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
