I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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