before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
