so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
