i jhust puked up my retainher.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
