I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
