It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
