i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
