No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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