Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
