Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Are we in a gay sports bar?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize