now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
