Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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