Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
