I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
operation have a gay friend backfired
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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