you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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