im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
