Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Randomize
