Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Randomize
