that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
