When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
