Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
i think im in europe. pls send help
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
