I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
