Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
