He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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