i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
