Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
