Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
