Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
