i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Did you just see the Batmobile???
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
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