Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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