Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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