Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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