So drunk its hurt
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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