What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
