I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
