her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
