I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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