I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Best friends brother. Beat that.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I think I just shit out all my problems.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
