I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Randomize
