there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
