Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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