apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Holy sore nipples Batman
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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