I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
