I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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