my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
