Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
