I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
