Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
