Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I checked into jail on foursquare
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
