im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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