I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
