I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
