I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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