my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
you never un-have a 4some
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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