Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
