I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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