I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
