jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
