Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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