There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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