I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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