I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He better not be in your backpack
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
