I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize