Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
