I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Randomize
