I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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