thus making me awesome and them whores
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
