i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
