Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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