im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
