I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
