I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
