the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
