I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
