I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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