Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
