who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
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