it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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