Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
it hurts more in the daytime
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
