Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
