Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
