I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
