I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
