Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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